Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. ~ RIP Steve Jobs

Remembering... and the show must go on

This song fits this day so well.

Coincidentally, this video was recorded within hours of the terrorist attack on our country on September 11, 2001. If you get a chance to watch the DVD of Sting's ...All This Time, you will see when Sting, his family and band receive the information that the World Trade Center was hit. Later, they would find out that they lost many in that tragedy. But at the time, they had an intimate concert planned for some very special fans and, as they say in show biz, the show must go on...

(Read more about the concert and film here.)

Indeed the show did go on and turned from a somber beginning to a concert filled with joy. You can see the concern and grief in the faces of the band, Sting and fans. You can feel the pain and struggle to get through the lyrics of this song, Fragile, at the beginning of the show... but by the end, you feel a sense of oneness and love.

If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay

Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are

On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are

On this, the 10th anniversary of that day, I choose to feel the grief of remembering but also to remember that the show must go on. I choose to remember the joy of carrying on the memories and lessons learned from that day. I choose to remember to celebrate the lives of those taken so tragically that day. I choose to smile to my neighbors, give love to those in need.

I choose to remember our common thread.

I choose to remember how fragile we are.

Me... and my body

Last week, in my inbox, I received a local email deal for eye lash extensions.

EYE LASH EXTENSIONS.

Really?!

Ok, I'll admit it. I've had plastic surgery. After carrying 2 large babies and losing 50 lbs, I realized I wasn't blessed with elastic skin. A tummy tuck to rid myself of lose skin was something I wanted... but still had to talk myself into. I had to keep telling myself, "I am NOT that vain."

I also had to be okay with the fact that I WAS indeed that vain. I DID want to look better. Not perfect. But better.

But eye lash extensions?

I'm left stunned with the amount of things we will spend money on to look BETTER. And yes, I said "we" because I then began to question my own eye lashes...

When will it end? Why are we so hard on ourselves? What sort of ideal are we aspiring to??

Then I saw the following video and remembered my dear friend in recovery from breast cancer and a double mastectomy.

She definitely puts things in perspective. A big wide world perspective.

If you have 13 minutes, watch this. Beautiful. Powerful. Inspiring.

Time to Get off the Nail

At a yoga class yesterday, I met the most interesting man.

First of all, I was impressed when he admitted it was his first yoga class. I've been trying to drag my man to a yoga class for years. After class, I began a conversation with the man and learned that he had only recently begun taking better care of himself. Yoga was only part of his regimen. He was also to participate in a weightlifting competition and began yoga to achieve balance in his body. In fact, he'd lost over 100 pounds since October!

"I finally decided to get off the nail, you know?" he told me.

I'd never heard the expression "get off the nail" so he told me the story....

There was a man who would take long walks every evening. On his walks, he would pass an old house with an old man, an old woman and and old dog on the front porch. The man would wave to the old couple every night but was perplexed at the old dog who lay at their feet. The dog would moan continuously.

As the days past, the old couple would smile and wave when the man took his walks but that dog... just kept moaning. When his curiosity got the better of him, the man finally approached the old couple and asked, "What is wrong with your dog? I've walked by here for days now and he's moaning all the time."

The old woman spoke, "Oh, well he's lying on a nail."

Shocked, the man replied, "That explains the moaning but why doesn't he just get up and move somewhere else?"

"I guess it doesn't hurt enough yet." was her response.

I loved this story. It also reminded me of a quote I heard recently:

"We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing."
~ Henry Cloud

Is there something that you're complaining about that you have the power to change?

Maybe it's easier to forgive yourself for remaining stagnant if you think of this story. It just doesn't hurt enough yet.

I'm not really a triathlete...

Well, that's what I tell myself when I'm mid-triathlon and surrounded by uber-athletic quality triathletes with expensive gear who are keeping a much quicker pace than I do.

Then I remember that only a small percentage of people commit to pushing their bodies through the three disciplines of swimming, cycling and running. USA Triathlon's statistics show a 2010 membership surpassing 135,000 members - an all time high compared to numbers from 1993 - 2000. I trust this stat because in order to participate in any multi-sport endurance event, an athlete must purchase a year long or single day membership to USAT.

135,000 people. Compared to a US population of 311 million people.

When I think about it that way, it makes a difference. When I consider the fact that not one but three people committed and registered to compete in this weekend's triathlon with me... and all of them backed out, it makes a difference. When I know that not just me, but ANYONE, can do a triathlon if they can set their minds to the goal and set their bodies in motion and I've been committed enough to see it through to the finish line, it makes a difference.

Sometimes I feel I will be found to be a fraud when I tell others that I am a triathlete. I feel an irritating nudging to explain that I'm "not that fast" and that "I'm a single mom who doesn't have that much time to train."

Even with all of that, I still wish I could encapsulate the feeling of pushing my body further than I thought possible. I wish I could bottle the sheer exhaustion and exhilaration of crossing a finish line. I wish I could wrap up the Zen-like state that descends upon my mind within an hour of completing an endurance event.

I may not always feel like a triathlete. But finishing a triathlon is the one of the most bad ass feelings this not-quite-so-uber-athlete has ever experienced.

And that's something that can't be faked.

Which thoughts are you keeping?

I once had a garden filled with flowers
that grew only on dark thoughts
but they need constant attention & one day I
decided I had better things to do.

~ Brian Andreas Story People

I've been a fan of Brian Andreas since I first discovered his work many many years ago. His quirky art even hangs in my home.

This particular video made from one of his poems reminded me of a favorite Cherokee lesson:

The Legend of the Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

These reminders help me along my journey and, as I wrote recently, definitely helped with my triathlon.

If today, something is disturbing your peace, even just the slightest irritation, ask yourself... "which garden am I tending?" .... "which wolf am I feeding?"

After all, change happens at the speed of thought.

Don't you agree?

Fertile Ground

In my inbox this morning was this inspiring bit from Seth Godin on how to get out of a rut:

• Find things that others have accepted as the status quo and make them significantly, noticably and remarkably better.

• Find things that you're attached to that are slowing you down, realize that they are broken beyond repair and eliminate them. Toss them away and refuse to use them any longer.

When a not-so-good software tool or a habit or an agency or a policy has too much inertia to be fixed, when it's unbetterable, you're better off without it. Eliminating it will create a void, fertile territory for something much better to arrive.
~ Seth Godin

First of all I love the word, "unbetterable". There's so much in that one word, isn't there?

Secondly, the message gave me pause... as I've learned that when I honor myself, things that no longer serve me fall away on their own. And things that match me come easily.

What are your thoughts?

Is there something in your life that is unbetterable, slowing you down or holding you back?

Hey you

Cherish the miracle

"Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them."
~ Richard L. Evans

The above quote felt perfect to me tonight because of the many times I notice I actually am cherishing my children. Life is busy but it's almost as if they have some sort of magic that makes time stand still...

....like earlier today when I picked them up from Vacation Bible School. I love to watch them sing, at the top of their still developing lungs, about how God is awesome. I can barely breathe to see them project this joy with such innocence, fervor and glee. I have to literally swallow hard and bite my lips to stop from grabbing them up, holding them close and crying tears of blessed bliss. They make me feel like my heart is no longer contained within my body.

"The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him."
~ Pablo Casals

....or tonight, when we joined a friend for a rock wall climb. My youngest had frozen with fear on the way down the wall but I let her fight through it. I allowed her to feel the fear and gave her a moment to move past it. She did... and then, after she reached the bottom, she took a deep breath, put on a face of pure determination, and tackled that wall again.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

My children stop me in my busy single mom tracks often. I know that these moments with them are precious and they, truly are, my miracles.

"Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven."
~ Henry Ward Beecher

Amen.

Spiritual Bypassing

"Although most of us were sincerely trying to work on ourselves, I noticed a widespread tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks. When we are spiritually bypassing, we often use the goal of awakening or liberation to try to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it. We may also use our notion of absolute truth to disparage or dismiss relative human needs, feelings, psychological problems, relational difficulties, and developmental deficits."
~ John Welwood, Human Nature, Buddha Nature, Tricycle Magazine (an AMAZING article)

Guilty as charged. I think many, as we study spiritual paths in the hopes of finding peace or enlightenment, often push aside core beliefs or past pains instead of dealing with them. I believe there is something to be said for looking at your pain, your choices, your false perceptions and beliefs, and accepting them as they are before attempting to change them.

Just as with positive thinking, you cannot deny your negative thoughts or bury your head in the sand of dreams in order to manifest a better life. You must come to the core thought behind the life you currently have first! To me, accepting and loving where you are now is best way to a better life.

Or at least, that's the path I've chosen.

What are your beliefs about positive thinking and manifesting?

Do you find that forgiveness comes easier and strong feelings pass quicker when you allow yourself to feel however you choose to feel, without judgment?

Doesn't it seem like denying so called "bad" feelings or getting frustrated at yourself for feeling them only makes them last longer?

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."
~ Buddha

Cancer is a bitch

One of my best friends has breast cancer.

About 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer according to the latest statistics. After losing a close friend last year to cancer and my father to cancer a few years before, I'm still licking my wounds from the "c" word. Sadly, as I age and my friends and family age, I will probably see even more instances of it.

"Women agonize... over cancer; we take as a personal threat the lump in every friend's breast."
~Martha Weinman Lear, Heartsounds

I could barely speak as my girlfriend calmly informed me of the steps she will take to heal. I recall quickly backing out of the phone call and crying for hours in fear for her.... and fear for myself.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

She had a double mastectomy 2 weeks ago. To be clear, she had both of her breasts removed AND an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) - as the doctors have said they can use her belly tissue to help rebuild her breasts. As someone who's had 2 Caesarean deliveries and a tummy tuck, I can feel her physical pain and annoyance at the helplessness of a sore abdomen. However, I didn't know what to say when she told me that her once perfect breasts (she was lucky like that) are now nothing more than flabs of skin. She will be rebuilt... that's what the doctors have promised her. They also caught the cancer early enough that they're confident she'll more than likely be cancer-free for years to come. She's awaiting a few more tests to verify this diagnosis.

"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts - it's what you do with what you have left."
~ Hubert Humphrey

In the meanwhile, she feels betrayed in her own skin. She doesn't want to believe that her stitched up and (in her words) "deformed" body is who she is now. She is emotional - feeling everything from fear to anger to gratitude. She is highly aware of the sanctity of life. She is altogether positive of her path and the growth that will benefit her in the long run, despite the complete frustration of the current moments, the unknown and other obstacles in her not too distant future.

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."
~ Mignon McLaughlin

She is brave. She is inspiring me. She is doing what needs to be done while the rest of us stand by at the ready to hold her up if she needs it.

I will visit her tonight, to sit quietly and hold her hand. I hope that's enough for now.

"Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there."
~ Author Unknown

The Power of Allowing

I've read enough self-help books to fill an entire psychological library. I've realized recently that it was divorce that started the whole self-help revolution in my life. Guess I must have thought something was wrong with me for failing at marriage.

That's normal, right?

Recently, I've discovered one of the most powerful concepts that I've ever read. One that was exemplified this weekend with my man in one beautiful statement:

"You can be mad at me if you want... but I still love you."

Funny that there would be such strength in allowing me to feel however I wanted to feel but loving me through it anyway.

Feelings are neither good or bad. They simply are. Some even say they're nothing more than emotional energy passing through. Feelings may prompt action but action should be taken with a clearer mind. It is my job to sit with the feeling or thought, stay detached from it, and allow it to pass through me.

Even better when someone else allows it too.



Do you find it difficult to feel a feeling, think a thought and simply observe it without action?

What is the most powerful statement that you've read or heard recently?

Try, Try again.

"Give yourself permission to fail. Because if you fail, it means you tried."
~ a speaker at a networking event I attended last night

"You have to feel some discomfort, sometimes, to really get to know who you are. Like an eaglet being pushed from a nest, if you but spread your wings, you may find wind under them, holding you up. You just may soar. But you have to be willing to tumble first."
~ from an online seminar I listened to over the weekend

Heard this song on the drive home:



Ya think the universe is trying to tell me something?

Are you holding back from leaping with complete faith that the net will appear?

Is there a message the universe is sending to you?

Be where you are

"In Tibetan there is an interesting word: ye tang che. The ye part means 'totally, completely,' and the rest of it means 'exhausted.' It describes an experience of complete hopelessness, of completely giving up hope. This is an important point. This is the beginning of the beginning. Without giving up hope that there is somewhere better to be, that there is someone better to be, we will never relax with where or who we are."
~ Pema Chodron

Love this. I believe acceptance creates miracles.

What does this quote say to you?

Thumbs up for Cycling!

And THIS is why I've introduced my daughters to cycling...

Are there any videos you watch to feel inspired?

Having a bad day?

"When you're bleak you feel weak, and sometimes forget how to speak. People will mistake you for meek, but it is okay, all you need is a little tweak and you'll feel better in about a week."
~ random online friend

Are there any quotes that make you smile when you're having a bad day?