Why Social Media?

I had lunch last week at a new (to me) restaurant called Cedars Woodfire Grill. Already impressed with their menu, I was even more impressed to see it presented in a beautiful digital display right inside the door of the restaurant. They also offered their nutritional guide to anyone who was interested.... easily accessible by texting the menu item number and getting a response back to your phone.

A few weeks before that, I ate breakfast at a restaurant that used Facebook and Twitter to not only connect with fans and restaurant patrons, but to also help name the ever evolving array of new items added to their menu for limited times.

Also last week, I attended a Duran Duran concert (I am from the MTV generation) and, in mid-show, the band took a "Twitter break" encouraging fans to share the fun they were having with their followers.

Several friends who've known me since my early days in Information Technology have asked why I have such an interest in Social Media. My question to them is:

How could I not?!

The reason I pursued a degree and then career in I.T. was because that's where things were going. I wanted to be "in the know" about what was up and coming. It was difficult to keep up with it, at first, but I eventually found my niche. I loved researching and learning. I loved the training we were offered to stay abreast of changes in a large, growing software market.

I'm excited to see that social media is everywhere I turn. I love that the members of my favorite childhood band stated that they feel "closer to our fans than ever before". I love that restaurants are listening to their patrons and honoring their needs. I love that, with the loss of Steve Jobs, his messages and quotes have been repeated and spread like wildfire across all avenues of media.

I love the ease with which it can be used and that now business, groups, social causes, celebrities and entrepreneurs are learning to communicate WITH instead of TO those that want to work with them.

Why social media?

Why not?

How have you noticed social media in your every day life?

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. ~ RIP Steve Jobs

Parenthood, Facebook and the Scary Monster

Last Christmas, my ex-husband bought our 10 year old daughter her own laptop. She took to it easily and I was not surprised. After all, I'm a degreed techie from way back who personally trained my baby girl on a laptop at little over 9 months of age. I knew it was the wave of the future.

In my home, I monitor what websites she frequents... and it has been only recently that I allowed her internet access. I put an immediate halt on "chatting" with strangers via an online gaming site. Apparently, her friends do it all the time.

Last week for her birthday, her father bought her an iPod Touch. Again, more rules and screen time limits have to be enforced in my home.

Look, I may be a techie from way back but first and foremost, I'm a mom.

My job is to protect my children. I don’t think of technology as a big, scary monster that I don’t understand. Perhaps because I'm in a technical field, I'd like to believe I know exactly what I'm doing.

Last week, however, I got a better idea of the fight I'm up against.

It began with the recent announcements from Facebook on their new timeline profiles and media sharing. I'm all about exciting new changes and cutting edge announcements. I didn't choose a technology field because it's boring.

Many people are concerned about privacy when it comes to these new changes on Facebook. Wait. Let me rephrase that. Many OLDER people are concerned. The younger generation, of which my children will be included once I let go of my death grip, share most everything on Facebook. Nothing is private anymore.

Also last week, I attended a local social media event featuring 6 case studies of marketing agencies using Facebook, Twitter and the like to increase digital impressions and generate more revenue for each client they represented. Funny thing about technology and marketing, just when you think you might know everything, you find that someone has "out thought" you. I left feeling inspired and completely overwhelmed.

I understand that the world of technology is changing and that means the way we interact is changing. I'm fortunate enough to be in the middle of the generations. My parents don't use social media and have only recently begun texting. My children were born to text, Facebook and share every moment of their day for everyone to see. I'm a Gen-X-er, bridging the gap between both of them.

I understand it but the question remains:

How do I continue to protect my children from a big, scary monster whose hand I'm practically holding?

How do I allow them to be the up and coming generation and still provide common sense limits?

Or is there such a thing anymore?

Your thoughts?

A Reader Asks: How to Get Started with Triathlon on a Budget

I received an email from a reader who asks...

"Hey, a friend of mine just finished a triathlon yesterday. I was looking at her pix and thinking I could never afford to do a triathlon, because there's so much stuff you have to have. But maybe I'm wrong? Maybe you should write a post about triathlon gear?"

Again, let me preface by saying, "I am not a triathlon expert" but I will certainly lay out the steps I took to reach my goal of becoming a triathlete!

***

First investment: the Commitment

In the fall of 2007, I was dating a superstar triathlete. I actually remember saying to him, "Have fun with that!"

I went to cheer him on in an Olympic distance triathlon (nearly 1 mi swim, 24 mi bike, 6 mi run). As I stood at the finish line, I was in awe at the sizes, shapes and fitness levels of all who were competing. After the event, I said something about wanting to try a tri but couldn't see how I could afford the gear or time as a single mother. He stopped me in his tracks and said,

"If it means something to you, you'll make it happen."

That was the initiative I used to push myself. That and I told everyone I would do it so everyone else would hold me accountable too. I give others the same advice when I'm asked about it. It CAN BE DONE but it takes committing to the goal.

Now for the gear...

***

Bike

Once I decided I wanted to become an athlete, a friend contacted me about a long distance bike ride. I told him I would agree to it (150 miles!) if he could find me a bike.

Within minutes, I had an email from him with a Craigslist ad for a bike. Fortunately, my bike was sold to me by someone who worked at a bike shop so he knew exactly how to fit it to me. I had already done research on what measurements would fit my body. My mom actually bought it for me as a Christmas present!

Love my bike!

For more information on bike selection, see my post here: Buying a Road Bike

For shorter distance triathlons, I've seen people riding mountain bikes as well. If you're planning on longer distances or doing many triathlons in a season, it would be worth the investment to buy a newer, lighter triathlon bike.

Again for shorter distance triathlons, many people ride their bikes with regular running shoes. I chose to purchase cycling clip-in shoes since I was planning on longer bike touring. They were quite a challenge to get used to but I think they are worth the investment! I also own a few pair of cycling shorts as well. Definitely worth it to save on saddle soreness. And remember a helmet too!

The biking portion of the triathlon is probably your largest investment. 

***

Running shoes

Running shoes are not cheap, I'll give you that. I do recommend that you go to a running shoe store (like Run On!) and have someone observe your gait so you'll know what shoes would serve you better.

Old or ill fitting running shoes will cause all matter of issues like blisters, sore ankles, sore knees, sore joints, sore feet... you get the point. Selecting a shoe can become quite technical but it will pay off in the long run (pun intended!)

Now that you know what type and brand of shoe would work for you, go to Academy or other sports stores to see if you can find the same shoe at a lower price. I know many running friends who do this.

I personally bought my shoes at a running store but I knew they'd last me a while because I don't run long distances. 3 miles is long enough for me!

I love Nike and New Balance to help me disco through a tri!

***

Swim gear

For my swim suit, I bought Speedo one piece training suit at a sports store. I train only in this suit and wear a triathlon body suit for competitions.

I actually bought my triathlon competition outfit during an online sale. It is a top and bottom so sometimes I alternate cycling shorts with the triathlon top. This was a great investment for me because I wear the entire outfit during the swim, bike and run portions of the triathlon. It saves on transition time, for sure!

A new triathlete should also find some swim goggles and a swim cap for training as well. You'll use your goggles during the tri but you will be issued a swim cap for your starting wave during the event.

When I did my first triathlon, I swam in a sports bra and cycling shorts then threw on a t-shirt for the rest of the race. I've seen many women do this as well. Hey, you have to start somewhere!

***

There is A LOT more gear that can be acquired as a new triathlete becomes addicted to the sport. This post really covers the bare minimum and a few extras to get you started.

If I really look back at it, I actually bought all of my gear over the course of a few years so the investment wasn't all at once.

Let's add it up!

Used Bike: $500 (you could find one less expensive!)
Cycling shorts: $40 - $70
Helmet: $20 - $30
Cycling shoes (optional): $70 - $100
Running shoes: $50 - $90
Swimsuit: $40
Goggles: $10 - $20
Swim cap: $5 - $10
My minimal investment: approximately $735 +

I'm sure I've spent more in the few years I've been running, swimming and cycling because I can't resist all the great gadgets! Another great perk to participating in athletic events is that you get new gear in your race packets!

If I had a dollar for every water bottle...

Also remember that none of what I covered in this post included the cost of the event registration itself. This is yet another reason I only do a few triathlons a year. Check Active.com for events near you and BeginnerTriathlete.com for more new-to-triathlon information.

Once you make a commitment to tri, look online for great deals. Then slowly, over time, you'll have a special place in your closet for all your triathlon gear too!

Have fun!

Remembering... and the show must go on

This song fits this day so well.

Coincidentally, this video was recorded within hours of the terrorist attack on our country on September 11, 2001. If you get a chance to watch the DVD of Sting's ...All This Time, you will see when Sting, his family and band receive the information that the World Trade Center was hit. Later, they would find out that they lost many in that tragedy. But at the time, they had an intimate concert planned for some very special fans and, as they say in show biz, the show must go on...

(Read more about the concert and film here.)

Indeed the show did go on and turned from a somber beginning to a concert filled with joy. You can see the concern and grief in the faces of the band, Sting and fans. You can feel the pain and struggle to get through the lyrics of this song, Fragile, at the beginning of the show... but by the end, you feel a sense of oneness and love.

If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay

Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are

On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are

On this, the 10th anniversary of that day, I choose to feel the grief of remembering but also to remember that the show must go on. I choose to remember the joy of carrying on the memories and lessons learned from that day. I choose to remember to celebrate the lives of those taken so tragically that day. I choose to smile to my neighbors, give love to those in need.

I choose to remember our common thread.

I choose to remember how fragile we are.

Me... and my body

Last week, in my inbox, I received a local email deal for eye lash extensions.

EYE LASH EXTENSIONS.

Really?!

Ok, I'll admit it. I've had plastic surgery. After carrying 2 large babies and losing 50 lbs, I realized I wasn't blessed with elastic skin. A tummy tuck to rid myself of lose skin was something I wanted... but still had to talk myself into. I had to keep telling myself, "I am NOT that vain."

I also had to be okay with the fact that I WAS indeed that vain. I DID want to look better. Not perfect. But better.

But eye lash extensions?

I'm left stunned with the amount of things we will spend money on to look BETTER. And yes, I said "we" because I then began to question my own eye lashes...

When will it end? Why are we so hard on ourselves? What sort of ideal are we aspiring to??

Then I saw the following video and remembered my dear friend in recovery from breast cancer and a double mastectomy.

She definitely puts things in perspective. A big wide world perspective.

If you have 13 minutes, watch this. Beautiful. Powerful. Inspiring.

Time to Get off the Nail

At a yoga class yesterday, I met the most interesting man.

First of all, I was impressed when he admitted it was his first yoga class. I've been trying to drag my man to a yoga class for years. After class, I began a conversation with the man and learned that he had only recently begun taking better care of himself. Yoga was only part of his regimen. He was also to participate in a weightlifting competition and began yoga to achieve balance in his body. In fact, he'd lost over 100 pounds since October!

"I finally decided to get off the nail, you know?" he told me.

I'd never heard the expression "get off the nail" so he told me the story....

There was a man who would take long walks every evening. On his walks, he would pass an old house with an old man, an old woman and and old dog on the front porch. The man would wave to the old couple every night but was perplexed at the old dog who lay at their feet. The dog would moan continuously.

As the days past, the old couple would smile and wave when the man took his walks but that dog... just kept moaning. When his curiosity got the better of him, the man finally approached the old couple and asked, "What is wrong with your dog? I've walked by here for days now and he's moaning all the time."

The old woman spoke, "Oh, well he's lying on a nail."

Shocked, the man replied, "That explains the moaning but why doesn't he just get up and move somewhere else?"

"I guess it doesn't hurt enough yet." was her response.

I loved this story. It also reminded me of a quote I heard recently:

"We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing."
~ Henry Cloud

Is there something that you're complaining about that you have the power to change?

Maybe it's easier to forgive yourself for remaining stagnant if you think of this story. It just doesn't hurt enough yet.

So you'd like to know about Yoga?

Because I've been practicing yoga for close to 10 years and many of my closest friends are yoga students or teachers, many reach out to me with questions.

I am BY NO MEANS an expert... but I can give a perspective based on my experience.

If you are brand spanking new to the practice, let's get a few things out of the way first.

1. Yoga is not a religion. - Many of us appreciate the spiritual qualities and history of a healthy yoga practice but some enjoy it for the physical aspect alone. That's okay. No one is going to brainwash you into believing what they believe. Unless you have the wrong teacher. (More on that later.)


2. Yoga doesn't mean you have to be flexible or bend into a pretzel. - There are some longtime yogis who still bend their knees when touching their toes and there are some who can go into the splits in their first class. Every BODY is different.


3. You decide what you want to take from yoga and what you want to leave behind. - One of the most awesome qualities of practicing yoga is allowing it to meet you where you are. It should not be a painful experience. Challenging? Yes. Painful. No.

Again, if you are new to yoga, I would advise starting slowly. Go online and look for local studios. Go visit a studio and see how you feel. When you decide to try a class, try a beginner, gentle or foundations class first. These classes are designed to give you a taste of yoga.

Remember: Be aware of how you feel.

The energy in the room will be perceptible to your body, spirit and mind. The teacher's voice and interaction with you and other students will also affect your experience. If you don't feel comfortable, try another teacher. Or try another studio. Don't just dismiss the practice because one experience didn't feel right.

***

If you're too nervous to try a yoga studio, look into purchasing a yoga video. When I first began my yoga practice, I bought from Gaiam.

Some of my favorite beginner teachers were Rodney Yee and Patricia Walden. There are also videos by Trudie Styler now! (she's married to Sting.) Shiva Rea and Seane Corne are also great teachers.

Once you feel more comfortable with a video, you'll have a better idea of some of the cues the yoga teachers will use in a class. Then go and see if a class feels better for you.

***

Regarding the style of yoga - there are many to choose from!

In Hatha Yoga, you learn the basics of each pose and hold them longer. It builds strength, body awareness AND patience. All yoga, at its foundation, is Hatha. (It's my favorite. You might even see it as Iyengar Yoga.)

Vinyasa incorporates these same poses but you'll move through them faster. It is very powerful but I'd start with Hatha to make sure you're doing each pose correctly before you begin moving from one to the next quickly.

Ashtanga is an even stronger Vinyasa practice. It may even be referred to as power yoga. This type of yoga is fun but takes a LOT of consistency and practice. Most Ashtanga practitioners (like Madonna & Sting) do it every day for an hour or two.

Bikram is yoga practiced in a heated room. Some people love it. I don't. Bikram incorporates the same 26 poses over and over again. I found it too stifling but others love that they don't have to think about where they're going next and they sweat A LOT. I find it too rigid for me.

Kundalini is really different and incorporates more chanting, chakra alignment and various yoga techniques.


Hope that helps! Remember, don't worry if one type of yoga, teacher or studio doesn't feel right to you. Listen to your body and see what feels good to you. Everyone is different!

Let me know if you have thoughts or questions!

The "If Only" Trap

Many times I've found myself thinking or saying, "If only (insert something), then I'd be happy."

I've learned over the course of life experiences and much spiritual study to at least have an awareness of this. I'm also aware when I hear others say it as well. We all do it. We all fall into the "if only" trap.

Lately, I've been leaning more towards a little game my daughter likes to play. It's called, "What if".

What if... everything is exactly as it's meant to be in this moment in time?

What if...things could change tomorrow and be exactly or BETTER than what you believe it could be?

What if... you stop, look around and realize, things are really quite good?

What if... you're really happy right now?

There's something about surrendering to the "what is" that makes the "what if's" so much better than the "if only's".

Don't you think?

Triathlon - Complete!

The triathlon I’ve been training for all year was this past Sunday. Here is the post I wrote on our co-authored triathlon training blog…

The culmination of this blog happened this past Sunday with the 31st annual River Cities Triathlon.

I was disappointed that Scott, Tammy and Gwen weren’t going to be racing with me but did have other friends who would be. I’m still amazed that I can do a triathlon that has over 1000 participants and STILL run into people I know. So very cool!

Read more....

I'm not really a triathlete...

Well, that's what I tell myself when I'm mid-triathlon and surrounded by uber-athletic quality triathletes with expensive gear who are keeping a much quicker pace than I do.

Then I remember that only a small percentage of people commit to pushing their bodies through the three disciplines of swimming, cycling and running. USA Triathlon's statistics show a 2010 membership surpassing 135,000 members - an all time high compared to numbers from 1993 - 2000. I trust this stat because in order to participate in any multi-sport endurance event, an athlete must purchase a year long or single day membership to USAT.

135,000 people. Compared to a US population of 311 million people.

When I think about it that way, it makes a difference. When I consider the fact that not one but three people committed and registered to compete in this weekend's triathlon with me... and all of them backed out, it makes a difference. When I know that not just me, but ANYONE, can do a triathlon if they can set their minds to the goal and set their bodies in motion and I've been committed enough to see it through to the finish line, it makes a difference.

Sometimes I feel I will be found to be a fraud when I tell others that I am a triathlete. I feel an irritating nudging to explain that I'm "not that fast" and that "I'm a single mom who doesn't have that much time to train."

Even with all of that, I still wish I could encapsulate the feeling of pushing my body further than I thought possible. I wish I could bottle the sheer exhaustion and exhilaration of crossing a finish line. I wish I could wrap up the Zen-like state that descends upon my mind within an hour of completing an endurance event.

I may not always feel like a triathlete. But finishing a triathlon is the one of the most bad ass feelings this not-quite-so-uber-athlete has ever experienced.

And that's something that can't be faked.

I want my MTV

Growing up, my dad and I didn't share much in common. Looking back, I now realize I envied those friends who referred to themselves as "Daddy's girls". I simply... wasn't.

But I do recall sitting at breakfast one morning 30 years ago and my dad telling me about something new he was reading in the paper.

"It's a new channel where they'll play music...and mini movies for each song. They're calling it Music Television."

We were both intrigued by the concept so much that we sat in front of the TV that night and watched the new channel begin with this video:





It was the launch of MTV and for a brief moment, my dad and I shared a common interest. Three years later, he would drive me 200 miles away to watch my favorite band in concert. The band was Duran Duran and if it wasn't for MTV, I may have never known they existed.





Ahhh yes, those were the good days of Music Television when my friends and I would sit for hours upon end watching the mix of music that would be deemed eclectic by today's standards. One girlfriend had her television tuned to MTV 24 hours a day.

A 24 hour a day music channel? That was something back then.





Happy 30th Birthday MTV.

Thanks for the memories.

Be your own best friend

You know how fun it is and how motivated you feel when you go to the gym with your best friend? You're pushing each other to try harder. You're encouraging each other. You're aware of when your friend is tired, needs water, needs a short break and you allow them that.

Have you ever considered treating your body the same way?

This thought occurred to me when a friend explained how her body was sore from a workout. She'd noticed a particular area that is weak and thus spent much of her workout focused on that one muscle group. She pushed that area so hard because she was disappointed in its weakness. Consequently, she was in pain in that one area of her body the next day.

I also realized my own body awareness during my most recent endurance athletic event. I knew when it was tired and I rested. I also knew it could take just a little bit more. I thanked it, honored it and sent love to my legs for their strength, my heart for its endurance, my lungs for fresh oxygen.

Maybe it's something I learned in yoga. All I know is that since I've treated my body as my best friend, it, in return, has thanked me for it in all manner of ways.

"If the mind, that rules the body, ever so far forgets itself as to trample on its slave, the slave is never generous enough to forgive the injury, but will rise and smite the oppressor."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Wouldn't you agree?

Which thoughts are you keeping?

I once had a garden filled with flowers
that grew only on dark thoughts
but they need constant attention & one day I
decided I had better things to do.

~ Brian Andreas Story People

I've been a fan of Brian Andreas since I first discovered his work many many years ago. His quirky art even hangs in my home.

This particular video made from one of his poems reminded me of a favorite Cherokee lesson:

The Legend of the Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

These reminders help me along my journey and, as I wrote recently, definitely helped with my triathlon.

If today, something is disturbing your peace, even just the slightest irritation, ask yourself... "which garden am I tending?" .... "which wolf am I feeding?"

After all, change happens at the speed of thought.

Don't you agree?

Boogie oogie oogied til I just couldn't boogie no more...

The latest on my co-authored triathlon training blog: a race report from my triathlon yesterday...

I completed the Disco Triathlon yesterday.

I had a great attitude going into it. Since it was a last minute decision to register, I was looking at it as more of a rehearsal tri rather than anything I needed to worry about.

I was relatively calm about the swim start. The few open water swim practices I’d done helped me to realize I need to get in the water BEFORE the triathlon start. Several others had the same idea. I went into the water, swam out a bit and swam back to shore. A little panic… and a reminder to practice my new mantra, “Calm”.

Read more...

Learning how to Disco... Triathlon

The latest on a co-authored triathlon training blog. Our triathlon is less than a month away...

Last night as I crawled into my bed, so tired from pushing myself with my triathlon training, I recalled a conversation with a co-worker from earlier. She and I were discussing participating in a duathlon this weekend… as a relay team. We’d done it a few years ago and had such a great time. She took on the 2 mile run, I biked the 10 miles and then she ran the last 2 again.

We looked at the registration online but it was terribly expensive for a last minute registrant.

“Shouldn’t you do the whole thing anyway?” she advised.

I really should.

Read more...

Do self-help books help?

Enjoy my guest post on the D.I.V.A.S. blog for Divorced Independent Very Able Survivors.

Apparently when I finalized my divorce, I determined something was wrong with me. I say that because in the time that my husband officially left our home that last time, as I sat on the couch with our 4 year old daughter while our 1 year old daughter slept peacefully in her room, the only books I have read are self-help books.

Read more on the D.I.V.A.S. blog... or continue below:

Granted, at the time, I don’t believe I consciously thought something was wrong with ME, I only knew something was terribly wrong. Why else would I feel such pangs of loneliness and despair? Why else would it seem as if my life partner gave up on “us”? Why else would it feel like every dream we ever dreamed and every memory that made us smile was all one big lie?

I learned very early in our separation that I had to stay focused on the now. Anytime I looked to the future that would never come to be, I became angry. When I looked at our past and all of those times I thought we were happy, I was terribly depressed. Those feelings very nearly consumed every withering ounce of me. I remember, at the time, feeling as if the entire world was torn from me. I had a vision, one night after a good long cry, of myself standing in a darkened space, naked, sunken, and balanced on one big toe upon a tiny stone.

When I reached down to see the rock beneath my foot, I realized that was all that was left of my faith.

But it was SOMETHING.

And upon that something, I knew I had to rebuild. I knew I had to seek for some manner of truth – about me, about marriage, about relationships, about life, about LOVE. I knew I had to stop living in the past or future and fully rely on what faith is built on… each present moment as it happens.

The question of “how?” is what lead me to those helpful books. They have helped! Looking back now, however, I realize that they’re all saying the same things. I’ve, in effect, been reading and telling myself the same things over and over again for the past 5 years:

• Just because I’m divorced, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. In fact, it was yet another human battle that I overcame, children and all. Also in fact, we’re all so much happier for it.

• It’s absolutely ok to feel whatever feelings I’m feeling. Can I learn to feel them without judging myself?

• We all come to relationships to learn about ourselves. Hiding from another relationship may feel comfortable but we actually need each other to grow. And yes, I said “need”.

• Where I am, in this exact moment, is precisely where I’m mean to be. Can I trust that?

• Remember this important question: Would you rather be right or happy?

Maybe I could actually stop reading all of those books if I remembered just those few simple things. But um… if you see me wandering around the self-help section of the bookstore, just smile and say, “hi”, mmkay?

Respecting my "No"

"When you respect your own 'no', others will too."

In all the books I've read on co-dependence, this simple statement stands out to me. The truth of it occurred to me a few days ago.

My daughters asked if they could do something and I preferred that they didn't. But instead of saying, "No", I said, "I'd prefer you didn't do that."

Well, to a child, "I'd prefer" means, "I really don't want you to but if you did do it, there wouldn't be any sort of consequence for it." You can guess what happened next....

I've also found myself explaining to adults why I'd prefer one thing or another, rather than just saying a simple, "No that will not work for me." and then not explaining further. There's something about explaining that sounds very close to waffling.

I'm learning. Slowly but surely.

Do you put down firm boundaries or do you find yourself explaining your reasons behind them?

Do we think explaining will make us a little less strict or something?

Just keep swimming

Comparing single parenting to triathlons... on my latest guest post at Memoirs of a Single Dad.

Read more...

Fertile Ground

In my inbox this morning was this inspiring bit from Seth Godin on how to get out of a rut:

• Find things that others have accepted as the status quo and make them significantly, noticably and remarkably better.

• Find things that you're attached to that are slowing you down, realize that they are broken beyond repair and eliminate them. Toss them away and refuse to use them any longer.

When a not-so-good software tool or a habit or an agency or a policy has too much inertia to be fixed, when it's unbetterable, you're better off without it. Eliminating it will create a void, fertile territory for something much better to arrive.
~ Seth Godin

First of all I love the word, "unbetterable". There's so much in that one word, isn't there?

Secondly, the message gave me pause... as I've learned that when I honor myself, things that no longer serve me fall away on their own. And things that match me come easily.

What are your thoughts?

Is there something in your life that is unbetterable, slowing you down or holding you back?

Hey you

With Faith

As a mother, I not only feel responsible for the care and feeding of my children's bodies, I also feel responsible for sending them on a path of faith.

Faith has felt natural to me since as long as I remember. Yes, faith was natural. Religion, however, was something I've struggled with, again, as long as I can remember. The poor priest that sat across the desk from me at age 12 is probably still praying for my soul...

My children and I don't attend a particular church. I have my own spiritual study - a path I have traveled meticulously since splitting from their father. I had to. I felt as if my very being had been torn from me and faith... well... that was all that I had left. I reached a turning point last fall where I decided it was time to nurture their paths.

Much to the dismay of their Catholic grandparents, I did not baptize nor raise my children in the Catholic church. Instead, I've exposed them to all manner of beliefs and the wondrous stories from different religions. They believe in God. They pray to God. They know some people believe in Jesus and others believe in Buddha and still others don't believe at all. They understand that certain people believe their theism is the ONE and only. They comprehend the nature of spirit, heaven and hell.... as best as can be expected in their young, elementary minds.

And they know, when things don't feel quite right, that they can always be still, breathe deeply and feel the loving embrace of faith to pull them through.

After attending Vacation Bible School last week, my older daughter asked if we could attend service at the hosting church. She also mentioned wanting to be baptized.

SHE has decided for herself.

I hope that means that I've allowed them to find their own way. I am not one to preach that MY path is the only path... for mine has been varied and difficult at times. I also believe, however, that mine has allowed me to point them on their way, with hopefully enough faith to watch them stumble, as I did.

With faith, I also know they'll get back up and be just fine.

Intentional judgment

"We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions."
~ Ian Percy

This goes back to perception and how mine will never be like yours. You can never feel what I'm feeling because my experience, genetics and environment isn't the same as yours. Even in the same family or two people witnessing the same event, this is still true.

It's amazing we get along at all... our experiences and perceptions are so vastly different.

We do our best to relate to each other. We use words like, "I understand" when we really mean, "I only know what I think I would feel if I were in your situation but I'm not in your situation and, quite frankly, it scares me to death and therefore, I'm going to project my fear on what I think you're going through and how I might react to it and hope that it is as close as possible to what you're feeling" or "I know what I felt when it appeared that my situation was just like yours but I've moved on since then and have a different point of view than you do." Or various other projections...

Even when we're struggling in relationship with someone or with an encounter, we forget that their thoughts, experiences, feelings and perceptions are different. We don't stop to think that they may have just found out horrible news and therefore, that's why they cut us off in traffic. We don't consider that our assumptions of their intentions may not be their intentions after all.

The point of it all is... we only see OUR point. Even when we try to see others'. Still stand up for your point, yes. But consider that others may not agree and allow them that.

Maybe the best stance, sometimes, is as simple as agreeing to disagree.

Don't you think?

What does this quote mean to you?

Cherish the miracle

"Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them."
~ Richard L. Evans

The above quote felt perfect to me tonight because of the many times I notice I actually am cherishing my children. Life is busy but it's almost as if they have some sort of magic that makes time stand still...

....like earlier today when I picked them up from Vacation Bible School. I love to watch them sing, at the top of their still developing lungs, about how God is awesome. I can barely breathe to see them project this joy with such innocence, fervor and glee. I have to literally swallow hard and bite my lips to stop from grabbing them up, holding them close and crying tears of blessed bliss. They make me feel like my heart is no longer contained within my body.

"The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him."
~ Pablo Casals

....or tonight, when we joined a friend for a rock wall climb. My youngest had frozen with fear on the way down the wall but I let her fight through it. I allowed her to feel the fear and gave her a moment to move past it. She did... and then, after she reached the bottom, she took a deep breath, put on a face of pure determination, and tackled that wall again.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

My children stop me in my busy single mom tracks often. I know that these moments with them are precious and they, truly are, my miracles.

"Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven."
~ Henry Ward Beecher

Amen.

Spiritual Bypassing

"Although most of us were sincerely trying to work on ourselves, I noticed a widespread tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks. When we are spiritually bypassing, we often use the goal of awakening or liberation to try to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it. We may also use our notion of absolute truth to disparage or dismiss relative human needs, feelings, psychological problems, relational difficulties, and developmental deficits."
~ John Welwood, Human Nature, Buddha Nature, Tricycle Magazine (an AMAZING article)

Guilty as charged. I think many, as we study spiritual paths in the hopes of finding peace or enlightenment, often push aside core beliefs or past pains instead of dealing with them. I believe there is something to be said for looking at your pain, your choices, your false perceptions and beliefs, and accepting them as they are before attempting to change them.

Just as with positive thinking, you cannot deny your negative thoughts or bury your head in the sand of dreams in order to manifest a better life. You must come to the core thought behind the life you currently have first! To me, accepting and loving where you are now is best way to a better life.

Or at least, that's the path I've chosen.

What are your beliefs about positive thinking and manifesting?

Do you find that forgiveness comes easier and strong feelings pass quicker when you allow yourself to feel however you choose to feel, without judgment?

Doesn't it seem like denying so called "bad" feelings or getting frustrated at yourself for feeling them only makes them last longer?

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."
~ Buddha

From one friend to another

This is my friend Jim.

Jim is the father of two young beautiful children, a boy and a girl.

Jim rocked being a single dad with a rare quality that any man would be blessed to have. He was scared, as we all are, but took it on like a champ.

Jim remains one of the best storytellers I've ever encountered in my life (as evidenced in this video). His fascination with people, history, astronomy and art made for endless interesting conversation. He was also a wonderful, caring, attentive listener.

Jim's laugh is still one of the those things that can always bring a huge grin to my face.

Jim.... passed away last year, far too young, far too quickly, from cancer.

His memory haunts me as I attempt to hold up one of my best friends through her own battle with cancer.

As I spoke with my friend this afternoon, she told me of the next line of treatments she must endure. Because there is a trace of cancer cells in her lymph nodes, she must undergo yet another surgery to remove the lymph nodes under her arms. Any surgery meant to rebuild her physical body must be postponed until after more surgery and now, chemotherapy. She will lose her hair and has already stated that she will not wear a wig.

"I will rock that bald head," she told me.

Her husband and children are remaining strong as her emotions fly all over the place. Her father can't speak to her without crying so he shows up, often unannounced, with flowers, wishes of love and then leaves quickly. His helplessness paralyzes him. Her mother is driving her to appointments, always with a brave face, but breaks down easily when not in sight of her daughter.

"I'll be fine. I've got this. It's going to be a tough year but I'm strong. I can handle it. I'm not scared."

I remember Jim... calling me from miles away in California in tears. It hurt those closest to him to see him weak or when he felt like giving up. Me? I demanded it from him. I fully expected to hear his pain, anger and frustration. He would try to play it off, laughing that glorious laugh. But I would quietly listen as he expressed his utter loneliness at being a single parent trying to date... with cancer.... not knowing if he was living or dying.

We all feel too many emotions to try to limit ourselves to a few during the most trying physical, emotional, mental and spiritual battles any of us will ever face. We should all be allowed our feelings - no matter the battle.

"Listen," I told my girlfriend this evening, "I hear you tell me you're strong and I believe you. I believe that you feel like you can handle this. I don't doubt it for a moment. But I also know that you'll have some moments when you're not so strong. You'll have times when you just want to be mad at the world. If I can do anything for you, please let me be the one you'll call when everyone else expects you to be strong. I don't expect that. I only expect you to be you."

My heart hurts at the thought of witnessing yet another loss.... so I won't think that way. That serves no one. Instead I will give gratitude to my friend Jim, for teaching me that even the strongest and bravest among us need to be heard.

Feel the fear and do it anyway

My latest post on my co-authored triathlon training blog...

Today, I did a triathlon.

This morning I did a 30 minute interval workout on the bike (inside on the trainer). Then I went out for a run. This evening after work, I went to the gym to meet a swim coach and swam for 45 minutes.

All 3 disciplines in one day. That counts, right?

Read more....

Cancer is a bitch

One of my best friends has breast cancer.

About 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer according to the latest statistics. After losing a close friend last year to cancer and my father to cancer a few years before, I'm still licking my wounds from the "c" word. Sadly, as I age and my friends and family age, I will probably see even more instances of it.

"Women agonize... over cancer; we take as a personal threat the lump in every friend's breast."
~Martha Weinman Lear, Heartsounds

I could barely speak as my girlfriend calmly informed me of the steps she will take to heal. I recall quickly backing out of the phone call and crying for hours in fear for her.... and fear for myself.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

She had a double mastectomy 2 weeks ago. To be clear, she had both of her breasts removed AND an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) - as the doctors have said they can use her belly tissue to help rebuild her breasts. As someone who's had 2 Caesarean deliveries and a tummy tuck, I can feel her physical pain and annoyance at the helplessness of a sore abdomen. However, I didn't know what to say when she told me that her once perfect breasts (she was lucky like that) are now nothing more than flabs of skin. She will be rebuilt... that's what the doctors have promised her. They also caught the cancer early enough that they're confident she'll more than likely be cancer-free for years to come. She's awaiting a few more tests to verify this diagnosis.

"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts - it's what you do with what you have left."
~ Hubert Humphrey

In the meanwhile, she feels betrayed in her own skin. She doesn't want to believe that her stitched up and (in her words) "deformed" body is who she is now. She is emotional - feeling everything from fear to anger to gratitude. She is highly aware of the sanctity of life. She is altogether positive of her path and the growth that will benefit her in the long run, despite the complete frustration of the current moments, the unknown and other obstacles in her not too distant future.

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."
~ Mignon McLaughlin

She is brave. She is inspiring me. She is doing what needs to be done while the rest of us stand by at the ready to hold her up if she needs it.

I will visit her tonight, to sit quietly and hold her hand. I hope that's enough for now.

"Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there."
~ Author Unknown

"A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not."

I attend a spiritual study group occasionally. I especially enjoy one in particular on Monday nights because it is hosted by a brilliant friend who continually challenges me to grow.

I attended last night's class and was disappointed to find he wasn't there. The other students know me as a fellow teacher of this particular area of study and thus, naturally, I began to lead the class in my friend's absence.

As the only single parent among my friends responsible for the care, feeding and lives of two small children, as a triathlete accountable for self-motivation while training alone, as the sole person skilled at my job, as a person always striving for more, thinking ahead, dreaming big, I am a leader in many areas of my life. It is what I do.

Why then do I sometimes want to blend into the crowd, hide among the students, wallflower myself into obscurity if only for a little while?

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."
~ John Quincy Adams

Do you think leaders get tired of leading?

Do you sometimes find yourself fighting who you naturally are?

The Power of Allowing

I've read enough self-help books to fill an entire psychological library. I've realized recently that it was divorce that started the whole self-help revolution in my life. Guess I must have thought something was wrong with me for failing at marriage.

That's normal, right?

Recently, I've discovered one of the most powerful concepts that I've ever read. One that was exemplified this weekend with my man in one beautiful statement:

"You can be mad at me if you want... but I still love you."

Funny that there would be such strength in allowing me to feel however I wanted to feel but loving me through it anyway.

Feelings are neither good or bad. They simply are. Some even say they're nothing more than emotional energy passing through. Feelings may prompt action but action should be taken with a clearer mind. It is my job to sit with the feeling or thought, stay detached from it, and allow it to pass through me.

Even better when someone else allows it too.



Do you find it difficult to feel a feeling, think a thought and simply observe it without action?

What is the most powerful statement that you've read or heard recently?

Divorce actually doesn't kill you

Last night while working on laundry (glamorous, I know), I found Under the Tuscan Sun on TV. I hadn't seen this movie in years so I kept watching... even after the laundry was finished.

I was amazed at how I could relate to the main character post divorce. From the ever present feelings of sadness to the complete resignation into a soon-to-be-doomed-first-relationship-after-divorce. I also related to that feeling of, "Wow, I got what I wished for" - her realization at the end of the film.

"No matter what happens, keep your childish innocence"...

Isn't it funny how serious we become after divorce doesn't actually kill you? When do we get to play again?

Are there any movies you relate to?

What do you do to keep your childish innocence?

Try, Try again.

"Give yourself permission to fail. Because if you fail, it means you tried."
~ a speaker at a networking event I attended last night

"You have to feel some discomfort, sometimes, to really get to know who you are. Like an eaglet being pushed from a nest, if you but spread your wings, you may find wind under them, holding you up. You just may soar. But you have to be willing to tumble first."
~ from an online seminar I listened to over the weekend

Heard this song on the drive home:



Ya think the universe is trying to tell me something?

Are you holding back from leaping with complete faith that the net will appear?

Is there a message the universe is sending to you?

Be where you are

"In Tibetan there is an interesting word: ye tang che. The ye part means 'totally, completely,' and the rest of it means 'exhausted.' It describes an experience of complete hopelessness, of completely giving up hope. This is an important point. This is the beginning of the beginning. Without giving up hope that there is somewhere better to be, that there is someone better to be, we will never relax with where or who we are."
~ Pema Chodron

Love this. I believe acceptance creates miracles.

What does this quote say to you?

Thumbs up for Cycling!

And THIS is why I've introduced my daughters to cycling...

Are there any videos you watch to feel inspired?

Saturday Morning Fitness Motivation

Somewhere along the way, I've lost my training mojo. As evidenced by the latest post on my triathlon training blog...


It’s Saturday morning and I should be doing something athletic.

I don’t wanna!!!

Read more...

Space

Space is really nothing.

Until you ask for it...

Then it becomes a REALLY BIG SOMETHING.

Your thoughts?

Cycling and those damn clip-in shoes

Latest post on co-written triathlon training blog:

Saturday, I went out with a friend to attempt my first long bike ride. She thought that our route was at least 20 miles and that I would do great since I’ve been training and/or spinning much more than her. However she’s done a triathlon and I haven’t!

Read more...

Having a bad day?

"When you're bleak you feel weak, and sometimes forget how to speak. People will mistake you for meek, but it is okay, all you need is a little tweak and you'll feel better in about a week."
~ random online friend

Are there any quotes that make you smile when you're having a bad day?

Fit Reviews

Occasionally, I write reviews for another blog called Verve-Vigor-Vitality.

The blog focuses on all things fitness, wellness or health in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex. For all of my reviews on that site, click here: Tonya's Reviews

I also tweet for Verve-Vigor-Vitality. Follow along via twitter for health, fitness & wellness tips: V34U

Unmotivated

My latest post on a co-written triathlon training blog:

As I mentioned in my previous post, my training has slowed down considerably.

I am still keeping up my runs, at least 30 minutes of running each time, twice a week. I’ve spent more time on the bike but not necessarily outside.

Read more...

Or read previous posts by me here: TonyaD's Training

False vs. True

What are your thoughts about the above diagram?

My Paradise

A guest blog about my favorite travel destination on the planet... including photos!

My first vacation to Mexico was in 1991. I was 21 years old and traveling with my roommate. She was a seasoned traveler to Mexico and regaled me with tales of a place called “Akumal”.

Read more...

First post

What do you do with a multi-faceted personality who loves to write about her experiences, lessons, challenges, inspirations and everyday revelations?

Well... you find one place to tie it all together.

This is my place.

I wrote a previous anonymous blog for 4 years and decided to shut it down, without warning. That blog was one of self-analysis and forgiveness. That blog was my growth, post divorce and into the most supportive relationship I've ever had.

One of the reasons I fell in love with blogging is the community. I've met so many wonderful friends and felt so supported that I knew I simply couldn't STOP blogging. Instead, I'm choosing to create more community. I'm choosing to share my experiences by writing elsewhere on this big 'Net. I'm choosing to reach out, beyond the singular person that I am, and learn what makes others tick.

Instead of analyzing me, I'm choosing to BE me.

Thank you for reading.