Parenthood, Facebook and the Scary Monster

Last Christmas, my ex-husband bought our 10 year old daughter her own laptop. She took to it easily and I was not surprised. After all, I'm a degreed techie from way back who personally trained my baby girl on a laptop at little over 9 months of age. I knew it was the wave of the future.

In my home, I monitor what websites she frequents... and it has been only recently that I allowed her internet access. I put an immediate halt on "chatting" with strangers via an online gaming site. Apparently, her friends do it all the time.

Last week for her birthday, her father bought her an iPod Touch. Again, more rules and screen time limits have to be enforced in my home.

Look, I may be a techie from way back but first and foremost, I'm a mom.

My job is to protect my children. I don’t think of technology as a big, scary monster that I don’t understand. Perhaps because I'm in a technical field, I'd like to believe I know exactly what I'm doing.

Last week, however, I got a better idea of the fight I'm up against.

It began with the recent announcements from Facebook on their new timeline profiles and media sharing. I'm all about exciting new changes and cutting edge announcements. I didn't choose a technology field because it's boring.

Many people are concerned about privacy when it comes to these new changes on Facebook. Wait. Let me rephrase that. Many OLDER people are concerned. The younger generation, of which my children will be included once I let go of my death grip, share most everything on Facebook. Nothing is private anymore.

Also last week, I attended a local social media event featuring 6 case studies of marketing agencies using Facebook, Twitter and the like to increase digital impressions and generate more revenue for each client they represented. Funny thing about technology and marketing, just when you think you might know everything, you find that someone has "out thought" you. I left feeling inspired and completely overwhelmed.

I understand that the world of technology is changing and that means the way we interact is changing. I'm fortunate enough to be in the middle of the generations. My parents don't use social media and have only recently begun texting. My children were born to text, Facebook and share every moment of their day for everyone to see. I'm a Gen-X-er, bridging the gap between both of them.

I understand it but the question remains:

How do I continue to protect my children from a big, scary monster whose hand I'm practically holding?

How do I allow them to be the up and coming generation and still provide common sense limits?

Or is there such a thing anymore?

Your thoughts?

Respecting my "No"

"When you respect your own 'no', others will too."

In all the books I've read on co-dependence, this simple statement stands out to me. The truth of it occurred to me a few days ago.

My daughters asked if they could do something and I preferred that they didn't. But instead of saying, "No", I said, "I'd prefer you didn't do that."

Well, to a child, "I'd prefer" means, "I really don't want you to but if you did do it, there wouldn't be any sort of consequence for it." You can guess what happened next....

I've also found myself explaining to adults why I'd prefer one thing or another, rather than just saying a simple, "No that will not work for me." and then not explaining further. There's something about explaining that sounds very close to waffling.

I'm learning. Slowly but surely.

Do you put down firm boundaries or do you find yourself explaining your reasons behind them?

Do we think explaining will make us a little less strict or something?

Just keep swimming

Comparing single parenting to triathlons... on my latest guest post at Memoirs of a Single Dad.

Read more...

With Faith

As a mother, I not only feel responsible for the care and feeding of my children's bodies, I also feel responsible for sending them on a path of faith.

Faith has felt natural to me since as long as I remember. Yes, faith was natural. Religion, however, was something I've struggled with, again, as long as I can remember. The poor priest that sat across the desk from me at age 12 is probably still praying for my soul...

My children and I don't attend a particular church. I have my own spiritual study - a path I have traveled meticulously since splitting from their father. I had to. I felt as if my very being had been torn from me and faith... well... that was all that I had left. I reached a turning point last fall where I decided it was time to nurture their paths.

Much to the dismay of their Catholic grandparents, I did not baptize nor raise my children in the Catholic church. Instead, I've exposed them to all manner of beliefs and the wondrous stories from different religions. They believe in God. They pray to God. They know some people believe in Jesus and others believe in Buddha and still others don't believe at all. They understand that certain people believe their theism is the ONE and only. They comprehend the nature of spirit, heaven and hell.... as best as can be expected in their young, elementary minds.

And they know, when things don't feel quite right, that they can always be still, breathe deeply and feel the loving embrace of faith to pull them through.

After attending Vacation Bible School last week, my older daughter asked if we could attend service at the hosting church. She also mentioned wanting to be baptized.

SHE has decided for herself.

I hope that means that I've allowed them to find their own way. I am not one to preach that MY path is the only path... for mine has been varied and difficult at times. I also believe, however, that mine has allowed me to point them on their way, with hopefully enough faith to watch them stumble, as I did.

With faith, I also know they'll get back up and be just fine.

Cherish the miracle

"Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them."
~ Richard L. Evans

The above quote felt perfect to me tonight because of the many times I notice I actually am cherishing my children. Life is busy but it's almost as if they have some sort of magic that makes time stand still...

....like earlier today when I picked them up from Vacation Bible School. I love to watch them sing, at the top of their still developing lungs, about how God is awesome. I can barely breathe to see them project this joy with such innocence, fervor and glee. I have to literally swallow hard and bite my lips to stop from grabbing them up, holding them close and crying tears of blessed bliss. They make me feel like my heart is no longer contained within my body.

"The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him."
~ Pablo Casals

....or tonight, when we joined a friend for a rock wall climb. My youngest had frozen with fear on the way down the wall but I let her fight through it. I allowed her to feel the fear and gave her a moment to move past it. She did... and then, after she reached the bottom, she took a deep breath, put on a face of pure determination, and tackled that wall again.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

My children stop me in my busy single mom tracks often. I know that these moments with them are precious and they, truly are, my miracles.

"Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven."
~ Henry Ward Beecher

Amen.